On Desperately Trying to Fill a Hole:

.

Nothing hurts more than anything.

Storm

The first drop of rain
whispers its secret to the dust
rumour spreads quickly
light chatter fills the air
the crack of laughter
quiets down to a murmer
interest fades
sunshine peeks through the clouds

--

X

Messages: May 11, 2005

To Sarah, the girl with dark shoulder length hair and a penchant for wearing flannel:

Remain calm. It is often difficult to avoid being swept up in the emotions of others, especially when they are so close to us. But becoming a part of that situation only serves to remove you from your own needs and desires. This is essentially why you are becoming less patient and increasingly frustrated with those in your home. Accept the shortcoming of others; they are not there out of any direct maliciousness towards you, but exist because people simply are the way they are. You cannot change the inner core of others, no matter how hard you try - change comes from within. Provide the example, and treat others as you wish to be treated. Be patient, forgiving, and hold to what you know to be right and true. Eventually they will see what they are doing, but be warned, it will take some time. Months, perhaps even years. Is there is no easy way to make this happen.

To the technician inspecting rack after rack of electronics:

Yes, you perform a needed and valuable service. Just because everything is working fine right now, doesn't mean you can be any less diligent. If you go down that road, and start forming bad work habits now, then in a short time you will miss something truly important. Focus on thinking about your task as if it was the first time, every time. To rely too heavily on the past creates the opportunity for mistakes in dealing with the future.

To the rather meaty thirty-something thinking about making time with his three closest friends:

No. Bad Idea. You are right to be afraid, because it would permanently alter the way you are viewed by them, and not in a positive way. There is opportunity there, in that much you are correct, but it is not yet ripe for the taking. Essentially, you have promoted much possibility for change, but have yet to come through on any of your proposals. Unfortunately, I do not see you undertaking any of the tasks you have set yourself for some time. If ever. Stop imagining what you could be like, and take a quick look at what you are really like. The world tends to favor accurate assessments of reality rather than imaginative ones.

Uriel's Wing

Uriel, a grounded host, is thought to guard the passageway from the mortal realm into what once was the Garden of Eden. It is unclear whether or not this place actually existed, or if it was simply the most applicable set of terms availible to describe the spiritual state of man before he became cognizant of his own actions.

Uriel's Wing

Speak not of paradise to me
For I am standing at it's shore
Four thousand suns have versed the dawn
Where mortal souls can go no more

My right wing holds the Flame of God
The Light that cannot quench'ed be
Unsheath'ed by the heart of Man
To plunge into that fire filled sea

Behold the great and twisted scar
Unhealed and clipped by holy Grace
Unblinded to the Serpent's mark
Left wrenched from open sky's embrace

My trials to thee unearned advice
Perfection flawed brings sacrifice.

--

X

When Love is Dying

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When Love is Dying

Forgiveness comes like the dawn
Alive and waiting
Longing for another day
To fill the hole of time
Night falls in
A thousand cuts mark the hour
Dreams a salve to soothe
An ache that tries to slip away

--
X

Still a bit Cold

Tiny buds of pink and purple
Play quietly in the wind
The apple tree stretches
After its long nap
Picking out its clothes
For the year



--
X

Love Life

Love Life

I had such a crush,
I could never get enough
Every time when things were tough
she always smiled for me

She always had the time an'
she'd hang with friends of mine an'
She always knew just what to say

We started to get older
she started to get strange
Talking got so much harder
We dont see things the same

It must be
Life just isn't into me,
She's avoiding all my calls.
She just has better things to do
Maybe she's hangin out with you
She's there but never in all day -
A love for life can go that way

---- ---- ---- ----

She'll smile bright and then switch
Life can be such an evil bitch
she took my bike and broke my car ----

Now when she's nice to me
I look behind her back to see
just what she is hiding and
when the next swing will be

Chatting on the telephone an'
Sharing everything we owned an'
Now she fucks all my friends
and leaves me left alone.

She just has better things to do
Maybe she's hangin out with you
After all she has put me through
I'd be right cracked to want her to
Stay with me for another day
She doesn't want me anyway -

But I still call her every day.

A love for life can go that way.

--
X

For the blonde haired beauty with the hollowing eyes:

You're burning. Somewhere your gentle inquiries became a passion, and now that passion has descended into obsession. Your body is breaking down; your nervous system is beginning to collapse. In a twist of irony, your unyielding and sacrificial search is taking you in the exact opposite direction of where you want to be. It happened just over a year and a half ago, when you started to cross the line, hunting extremes to catch the odd thread or two of what you are looking for - but because you were cheating, taking the short path instead of building a proper and firm foundation, the associated threads were not there to support and form your connections to the world that you are truly seeking. Your vision has narrowed, and will continue to do so, an unholy focus on an aspect of being rather than stepping back and seeing how that aspect of life fits into the big picture.

Your message comes as a warning to stop your pursuit before what you are searching for becomes permanently unachievable. This does not mean you must end your search, far from it, you seek a noble goal. To connect completely with the world and find your place in it will indeed give you the sense of peace, belonging and stability you require. It is in fact necessary for you to find this particular secret; I can see how this hidden instinct within you could become a burning need - it is essentially your body telling how you must be in order to not only survive your life, but become viable and vibrant, giving to others, and allowing them to give thier strength to you. Without this flow occurring back and forth with the people you surround yourself with in your life, you will always be uncertain and uncomfortable with who you are. With badly placed outflow, your energy is wasted, and with a poor reception and identification of things flowing in, you cannot gain an appropriate amount of emotional energy and support from others. Your body and your soul are bleeding out more energy than they receive over time; the path to a dark and aching death.

On some level you already know this, and the need is increasing as your life travels take you further and further away from it. You increase your efforts, seeking out and gripping the stray threads that lead back to the source, but they are thin, weak, and do not provide the nourishment you require. They are certainly not strong enough to sustain you without breaking, and so even the moments of peace you find are doomed to be short as these fragile and miscellaneous connections are strained, overloaded and finally destroyed.

Your message is clear: Stop struggling. Let the world come to you.

The world flows, always moving, ever changing. It may seem like you must move with it, aggressively seek to anticipate it, but this is not the case. The world will move with or without you. When we stand still, focusing on our basic needs and whatever goodness surrounds us and ignoring those things which are negative influences in our life, the world embraces us and moves past and through us gently. The natural flow of life will attempt to fill those things which are empty and relieve those areas which suffer from too much pressure. By stopping your pursuit, but not your search, you stand on a firm foundation, building and maintaining yourself and your daily life until it reaches a point of strength where you can explore from.

You have been neglecting this foundation for too long, and it hovers on the brink of crumbling into ruin. Now is the time to return to yourself, taking care of who you are without concerning yourself about how to connect with others. As you do this, the streams of the world will flow past your doorstep, and you can pick up and hold onto those things which are truly good and positive. Do not look for extremes, but instead focus on the simple - the gentle trickle of life that comes to you, seeking you out to fill its own needs and relieve its own pressures. Life is a river, and like most rivers, it does not start out as a torrent, but as hundreds or thousand of small streams and runoffs eventually connecting together. This collective flows downstream, meeting and intermingling with other streams until it acquires a vast and sweeping power.

Much in the same way, it is time for you to find the many sources of strength and energy that exist in your life, identifying them at thier source, verifying that they are good and true. Repeat this process until you have a small and stable collective of good things that you can rely and depend on. Gentleness and consistency are the watchwords of the day, avoid being swept up in the torrents and influences of others, you are simply not strong enough at this point to step into such a strong current and not be swept away to a place out of your control, a place where you do not naturally belong. By running at such a blinding pace, you are missing the small intimate details that are there to direct you on your journey. Relearn to appreciate the small, the slow, the gentle. You will reach what you are looking for by the merit of your existence, not the merit of your efforts.

Be good, be well,

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X